It was July 2016. I do not remember the date, but only the month and year. I was leaving a bootcamp class that I had recently joined. The class that I started taking was sent by God. Let me back up a taste :)! It was in the month of March that year, where I found myself in a very bad place within myself. I was carrying so much heaviness in my heart FOR YEARS (BLANKSTARE)! And when I mean YEARS, I’m talking about all the way back to my childhood. This heaviness that I was carrying was heavier and heavier over time. Looking back, I was dysfunctionally functioning! I thought this was the norm. The way life was! YET, I knew in my soul that there was more, but I didn’t know how or what that looked like! I thought the answer to fixing my anxiety and deep heaviness in my heart was in pounding the pavement. You know, just work harder! Make this amount of money, go to college and get a degree. Acquire as much money as you can to become independent. Also things like, be this kind of woman etc. I mean, I tried it all, HARD! Oh…. and God? I didn’t know The Spirit intimately, nor did I believe that God wanted to be Lord over my life. That I actually could even embody this kind of presence in me as one.
I always remember Jesus’ presence in me as a child. I always felt the love of Jesus in my heart before any Sunday school teacher ever told me. Now I may not have put a name to it, but when I started hearing about the story of Jesus it was something that I already knew. It was a love that I had always felt but didn’t put words to. I knew this same Divine presence loved me, but I didn’t know how until that defining moment in July of 2016. As I’ve stated before, my life was very heavy internally. I knew that something needed to change! I was led to go on a 21-day mind, body and soul detox by a wonderful woman of God. Her instructions for the group before beginning the fast, was to write down what it was you wanted God to do for you.
My request was, “do not fix the things on the outside of me.” Because I honestly knew that wasn’t the problem. I knew it was the effect of the heaviness I was carrying internally. I wrote down ” God show me, me. Show me who I really am?” Days went by and I did not hear from God. I was desperate and I knew God would help me, I just didn’t know when AND I KNEW I COULD NOT GO BACK to what I was trying to heal from.
Then it happened! I was leaving bootcamp class and something rumbled in my heart and soul. I yelled desperately, “GOD, SHOW ME WHO I AM. SHOW ME, ME. I DON’T WANT YOU TO FIX THE THINGS ON THE OUTSIDE OF ME. BECAUSE I KNOW THAT ISN’T THE ANSWER. GOD…… SHOW ME WHO I REALLY AM?” I felt my heart racing and minutes later I heard The Lord say. “This is how you think you have to show up?” I’m looking around in the car, like now I know this is God because I’m the only person in this car. I immediately went into this realm. Then The Lord began speaking to me saying, “You think you have to be this way, but this isn’t who you are. I’m getting ready to show you who you really are.” God showed me visions, like short moments in my mind from early childhood where I had picked up certain belief patterns. I was shown where and how I picked up the low self-esteem. I was also revealed how I saw myself and how I viewed God. Which was from a fear, unworthy, lack, hamster wheel and rabbit chasing the carrot on the stick mentality. The way that I viewed myself was NOT the truth. The way I viewed life, love, relationships, money and health just was NOT the truth.
I was told by The Lord that my life was getting ready to change! From that day on I KNEW a shift in me occurred! I just didn’t know how. God took me on a journey because of my free will, to begin the healing process. And my life has not been the same ever since. Not only have I physically changed, meaning my health improved but everything that was heavy or wasn’t not the truth about the true image of God in me was revealed and continues to transform into the way I was created to be.
I would encourage you to listen to God. I would encourage you to ask the questions to the one whom created you. Where are you discontent in your heart? What wound do you need to heal? Where do you find yourself carrying a weight that is not for you to carry? I would encourage you to take that step. For me, and I know it may sound strange to some but God showed me that my relationship with food was also connected to my healing. Isn’t that something. Who knew that one of the very things I could never get a hold of (my health) was tied to my healing. I share the story in greater detail in my 10-day email series. You can check it out on my website. You can sign up for my mailing list www.cammieknight.org
That is all for now! I hope this message helped you in any way!